alright so! I know I said no more over thinking but here it is. A bunch of random thoughts: 1) Why don't people tell others they like them? or Care for them? or I love you? no one does that anymore..... Well at least to me. I think people should know things instead of always being in the dark. Like Ashley, I never tell her how amazing she is as a twin sister. How talented she is... Or thank her for always being there. And I should. Brings to mind that funny scene in Superbad. laugh it up. But I'm serious I think people should tell people what they mean to them. It's just nice to hear. 2) I'm tired of being this perfect person. Or thinking I have to be this perfect person..... for people to like me or notice me... 3) I'm tired of being afraid of things... that fear is holding me back from so much. I know I could do great things. just, SO TIRED of being afraid of failure. 4) I'm tired of over thinking.... constantly thinking oh man if I say this or say that what will happen. second guessing myself. 5) I'm scared. I don't know whats going to happen in the next year with my life. I don't know about college. I hate it. I never hated something so much. Do I have an art ego? maybe..... I want to learn and I'm not. I know, just transfer? right. well, I'm scared that I'm not good enough or driven enough to do it..... so instead I sit in this self loathing spot. lovely huh? I feel bad, because I tell people this and I look like a Debbie downer who drags them down. Aren't I a lot of fun? 6) sometimes I just think I want to just do my art, be a wonderful wife, a mother. Like my mom..... If it weren't for her always being there and always watching us..... I wouldn't have turned out so good. I pictured myself being a 1950s kind of wife haha. Is that bad? does that make me lazy? like I don't have any career goals? 7) I'm scared Of trying new things because of failure and I think art is the only thing I am good at. What if I get into a career that does not involve art? will I be happy? I want people to see how driven I am with Art. How passionate I am. And how hard I work..... All these unsolved questions and many more.... I know one thing: I need to stop saying I scared. I need to start trying and if I make a mistake fuck it.... that's life. And I need to stop looking at others for my UN-answered questions.... they don't have the answers... well maybe they do but I need to figure them out myself... If I like riddles so much then this is a whopper of one. So here it is... that's me. I think and worry too much. In other news Ashley found this thing That I wanted to share it's called life's work. and it's some what long but I strongly suggest reading it: Many people are committed to professions and personal endeavors they never consciously planned to pursue. They attribute the shape of their lives to circumstance, taking on roles they feel are tolerable. Each of us, however, has been blessed with a purpose. Your life's work is the assemblage of activities that allows you to express your intelligence and creativity, live in accordance with your values, and experience the profound joy of simply being yourself. Unlike traditional work, which may demand more of you than you are willing to give, life's work demands nothing but your intent and passion for that work. Yet no one is born with an understanding of the scope of their purpose. If you have drifted through life, you may feel directionless. Striving to discover your life's work can help you realize your true potential and live a more authentic, driven life. To make this discovery, you must consider your interests in the present and the passions that moved you in the past. You may have felt attracted to a certain discipline or profession throughout your young life only to have steered away from your aspirations upon reaching adulthood. Or you may be harboring an interest as of yet unexplored. Consider what calls to you and then narrow it down. If you want to work with your hands, ask yourself what work will allow you to do so. You may be able to refine your life's work within the context of your current occupations. If you want to change the world, consider whether your skills and talents lend themselves to philanthropic work. Taking stock of your strengths, passions, beliefs, and values can help you refine your search for purpose if you don't know where to begin. Additionally, in your daily meditation, ask the universe to clarify your life's work by providing signs and be sure to pay attention. Since life's journey is one of evolution, you may need to redefine your direction on multiple occasions throughout your lifetime. For instance, being an amazing parent can be your life's work strongly for 18 years, then perhaps you have different work to do. Your life's work may not be something you are recognized or financially compensated for, such as parenting, a beloved hobby, or a variety of other activities typically deemed inconsequential. Your love for a pursuit, however, gives it meaning. You'll know you have discovered your life's work when you wake eager to face each day and you feel good about not only what you do but also who you are. I also drew another photo. I'm really getting into ink work....so much that I went back to the pencil last night and was like uckk um... I'm doing this in ink instead. I'm really grateful.... for people out there who teach..... sorry If I scared you if you read this.