Here’s a clever project: Martin Scorcese takes three and a half pages of an unfinished script by Alfred Hitchcock, and tries to remake the film as Hitchcock would have. In his words: “It’s one thing to preserve a film that’s been made. It’s another to preserve a film that has not been made.”

9 minutes, but worth your time.

- Herman Stanley Joslow, my 83 year old grandfather

Oy vey, it's been a long road... the ride has only begun. I really don't know how anyone returns to normal living after something after being on a roller coaster ride through hell... It's the feeling of being afraid everyday that sucks most. And when we ask a doctor a question they tend to give quick, short news with lots of medical terms. My family has always been " the vigilance type" If some one is in pain or hurting I will not stop caring for them pretty much ever. The other night it was Megan,ash, me and my parents talking to Ryan, he's getting a very vague recall of his hospitalization in the two ICU/ the crash, Ryan said he can't even remember the morning before it happened. He is starting to ask questions like, Mom they said I died tell me about that night, whats my car look like, How far did I fly out the window, Can I go back to my apartment. Even... call my boss I'll be back at work in a week? I guess this is the agitated/ restless phase. I mean he's in tilted to feel that way... it just hurts me so much that ugh he works so hard totally on his own for things and his life is basically taken away from him. He was admitted into the hospital Oct 24th and released Friday Nov 14th. To me it doesn't seem like enough time with all the injuries he obtained. But doctors say he is doing amazingly! Everyone: nurses/doctors from the ER, icu so on so on... come in just to see I guess this miracle health man. They call him boy wonder! lol. The trauma surgeon told my family numerous times, He hasn't seen a recovery like Ryan's in his 18 years of practicing medicine, that he has seen young adults, like Ryan only with less injuries, pass away. They said he must have good genes or the fact he was a perfect health with body building-vitamins- power shakes everyday, all that... saved him. They aren't going for the 3 surgeries yet on the shoulder they say if he keeps doing so well then they wont do it and let the bones heal on his own. The less "hardware" in his body the better because he is more substitutable to infection without his spleen. And he is allergic to latex-penicillin-red die # 9 so much more..haha he is the bubble boy! After seeing all of what Ryan's been through and talking with the different families in the waiting room over that long period of time, I've come to the conclusion that the heath care system blows. It blows big time. Oh my goodness, the stories you hear and see, people getting the news, "your so and so isn't going to make it, Your son has malignant cancer, brain tumors, brain bleeds"... being in the ICU, it's just horrendous. I wish I could help these people. Everyday some one is crying in that waiting room... they make me cry. It's a big crying fest. During that first week I cried everyday... seeing some one you love in so much pain and there is nothing you can do, it's just awful. The nurses in the ICU were absolutely incredible, One nurse Ryan had named Jeff, words really can't explain how amazing he was to our family and Ryan. He was laid back, he wouldn't give you false hope, straight forward ughhh and so much more. I think his care alone made Ryan get better so fast. Ashley-my mom and me spent everyday at the hospital for 3 weeks. So did my Dad kinda ish. he unfortunately couldn't take off 3 weeks of work or Ryan wouldn't get any of his bills paid... but after 5pm my dad would see Ryan. I don't know how to say this and maybe this is just too personal to share but in my 20 years of living I've never seen my father cry... Until now.

That night the crashed happened, I was in my room actually on my web cam I saw through my window and heard the dogs barking a car pulled up... I thought it was either Ashley or Megan so I just went on doing what I was doing. After 20 mins that car was still there and my mom came into my room crying Ryan's been in a car crash, he was life stared to Hartford hospitable, we don't know how bad it is. She nearly fell on the ground. I went down stairs and saw 3 cops... saying we can drive you up there in our cars it'll be faster... ( it's a 45 mins drive) then my parents left. Then didn't even know Ryan belonged to us, it took them a while to ID him. I was left to tell ash and meg/call my brothers. Brandon was able to get to the hospitable first because he lives near there. We waited all night for a phone call... I've never been so scared in my life. Around 3am my parents came home. They looked awful, my parents just in tears saying they had to give him emergency surgery and my Dad saying there was a lot of blood loss and he was so cold when he touched him. Fast forward to when I saw him the next day, Chris and I went into the room and there was so many tubes and he was so bloated he looked like the Michelin man, he didn't look like Ryan. That's pretty much what it was like for 3 weeks. A lot of ups and downs, tears, feeling of being scared everyday. And the worst part... having front row seats... watching my parents slowly breakdown everyday. Not being able to do anything about it. Most of the time I tried to stay busy when I wasn't at the hospitable baking, cooking dinner, cleaning. cleaning and oh cleaning. Must of made at least 20 different desserts. Cleaned the house till it literally sparkled. I really do enjoy being the "domestic engineer" type.

The day he left this nurse had to give him 3 vaccines because he is now lacking a spleen, he said they were the worst pain he has felt the whole time he was there. I was confused, 3 shots compared to stitches, staples, whole, broken bones, IV lines, central lines, feeding bones, 4 chest tubes, a lung tap. Crazy man. Ryan hasn't been able to move his arm since the accident, he did a little when he was in dosed coma. But it's numb and he can barely squeeze things, he can't lift it up. nothing, literally a dead arm. Doctors think it's bad nerve damage, something they couldn't tell until he was out of the coma. They aren't even sure if he'll regain full movement of the arm again. He has follow ups early week and a home nurse,home physical therapy. And in two weeks, a follow up with the trauma surgeon for talks of getting his feeding tube out/ostomy bag out/switches removed from face-the 4 chest drain incisions-staples removed from spleen incision-head and I know they are a few other places but I can't remember where.

I'm glad I have my family back. We are all stronger than ever... together, I know we can get through this... we been through hard things before : house burning down to the ground, megan's heart surgery at 6 years old, depression, my mom's failing health, money problems, anxiety issues, marriage problems, my wild older brothers in there teens lol... all of it and more. But through it all we had each other. Thats why family is so important to me! My friends have failed me... one in particular, a girl ash and I have been friends with since HAH maybe the beginning of time. As soon as we graduated high school she went off to her fancy expensive 4 year school, I went off to community college, and she never talked to us again. When she heard about my brother she didn't even bother to call me... stop by the house send flowers nothing. It's a big disappointment. And the put the cherry on top.... she left of her facebook status: jill is falling a sleep at the wheel... I know this sounds like some Chicky feminine driven drama but it hurts. This is some one I told my secrets to some one who saw me through my deepest roughest time in my life... and was barely there then and now but I don't like to give up on people. I don't understand folks, why are so many people lacking empathy and bed side manner? it's a shame.

But where she lacked support I got from many others, One guy really lifted my spirts... I think you know who you are... why can't more people be like that?

Butchers Bill?

- broke all the bones in his shoulder and clavicle which needs 5 surgeries

-left arm has lost all feeling it's a temporary thing until the inflammation goes down and he gets to see the best nerve surgeon in new England soon. so we are feeling positive about it.

- spleen removed

- blew out part of his intestines..

-broke little connectors on the spine..

-damaged his lungs which put him on a vent for 2 weeks

- Skull fracture

- All his ribs broken in different spots. Talks of a surgeries to basically wire his rib cage. a Rib cage of metal.

- Blood transfusion 16 pints of blood. Basically blood flushed through 6 times

- 104 fevers at night

- in dose coma for 2 1/2 weeks

- 4 chest drains/ plethora a Ivs, needles, central lines, Lung taps, pokes, X-rays, MRIs so on

- 20 staples to close the cut on the tummy

- feeding tube

- Broke bones in the ear

- bruises

-physical therapy for the next 5 years

61 days until Christmas... 33 days until Thanksgiving... 02 days till I go to Boston again

12 days till spring semester of 08 closes for make up work

11 days till I sign up for spring 09 classes

8 days until Halloween... Candy duty woot ! 12 days until I vote for the very first time in my life!